Want to know what’s more 90s than rollerblading? Rollerblading to Hanson.
Want to know what kind of dork rollerblades to Hanson? Me. I’m the kind of dork who rollerblades to Hanson.
In the spring of 1997, my roommates and I were going through a fitness phase where we limited ourselves to 30 fat calories a day. If I remember right, we made a lot of “grilled cheese” using fat-free cheese slices, low-calorie bread and about 2,000 squirts of I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter spray. Then we “treated” ourselves to baby carrots. Fun.
(This phase didn’t last long. Eventually the hunger drove me to the point of insanity. I broke down, drove my still-size-12 ass to the Taco Bell on University Avenue and stuffed my face with all the Gorditas.)
But for about four weeks that spring, I was determined to get fit, toned and fierce. I went out and bought a cheap pair of rollerblades. I even sprung for some knee and elbow pads to make myself look super serious about the whole thing. I skipped the helmet, though. I didn’t want to mess up my ‘do in case any cute fraternity boys drove by.
In the afternoons, I would head out to the trail along Greenhill Road and blade my ass off to “MMMBop” … and it was MMMazing!
I didn’t even care that I was 21 and too old to be mmboppin’ to the same band that my eight-year-old nieces liked. I loved that crazy music. What were they saying? Who cares!
I was listening to a lot of Fiona Apple around this time, and frankly, it was nice to listen to something a bit sunnier. Don’t get me wrong, I love Fiona, but she’s not a lot of fun to rollerblade to. A girl needs a break from all the angst every once in a while.
In the end, the rollerblades became a one-hit wonder in my fitness regime. In an mmmbop those skates were buried in the trunk of my Ford Tempo never to be heard from again.
Hanson stuck around a lot longer. They never gave me blisters and shin splits like those stupid skates. They gave me nothing but good times. And even to this day, if I get the urge to work out, “MMMBop” is always somewhere on my “Fit, Toned and Fierce” playlist.
So hate me if you want to. You’re probably still not over the Hootie and the Blowfish thing. But it’s a sunny Friday in April and I want to hear some Hanson. Maybe I’ll even see if I can scare up some rollerblades.