Ugh. I really wish there was a better way to say that.
I can’t help but feel that me saying, “I’m back!” is a little like the Backstreet Boys saying “Backstreet’s back…all right!” … on the fourth song … on their first album.
(Where did they go? They were only three songs in. Were they thinking, “You didn’t think we were coming back after that last song, did you? You thought maybe this was just a three-song album. Well, haha, joke’s on you. We’re back!” )
It just feels like a bit of an overstatement at this point in my blogging “career.”
I have roughly 50 regular readers, and judging by the lack of messages I got in the two months I was away, I’m guessing your thoughts ran less along the lines of:
“What happened to Jean? I looked forward to her posts, no matter how erratically they came. Her writing filled a hole in my life I can now only replace with massive amounts of chocolate or scotch. Come back, Jean. Come back.”
And more along the lines of:
“Hmmmm…. I should probably buy some new socks,” or “I really need to schedule that colonoscopy.”
So, my absence feels more like a shrug than a “Fire up the chatrooms! She’s back online!”
Whether you missed me or not, I did have an excuse. And, it too, is cliche. It was the holidays.
I am a terrible multi-tasker. Only one thing can occupy my mind at a time, and I ruminate on that thing obssessively until I eventually get bored and move on to something else, like how my interest in 5ks morphed into an interest in sitting on the couch and watching reruns of The Office.
For the last two months, my thoughts have all revolved around one thing, “What should I feed my family for Christmas dinner this year? Nut loaf?”
That was pretty much it. Any space left in my mind not consumed with nut loaf recipes was filled with basic daily chores like showering and refining my Christmas playlist on Spotify.
So, I took a break. And now that the nut loaf has been picked at and then thrown in the trash, my mind has wandered back to this abandoned blog.
I feel bad. It almost as though my blog was become the Western Barbie I got for Christmas one year … something to be played with for a couple of weeks … her white, fringed outfit admired … the button that made her blue-shadowed eye blink pushed so much that she looked like she had a tic… then tossed carelessly into the toy box by the end of winter break… left for dead among my brothers’ G.I. Joes and He-Men … only to remember her a week or so before the next Christmas with the gnawing fear that she knew I had abandoned her and would seek her Western-style vigilante justice on me.
I don’t want my blog to end up like Western Barbie. So, I’m back in the saddle, so to speak.
But, I’m also trying to figure out where I want this blog to go. I’m coming up on my one-year “Bloggiversary” and its time to take stock.
I’m a little worried. You see, I’d like to have more than 50 readers, but whenever I do research to find new ways to “grow my blog” I come up with a set of answers, which, if Pinterest is to believed, leads me to one startling conclusion:
I don’t have a blog.
I don’t do anything bloggers supposedly do.
I don’t offer makeup or beauty tips.
I am 40 years old and am still really confused about how to put on eyeliner.
I don’t have any DIY ideas.
I can’t think of 10 new uses for coconut oil. I have never made an ottoman out of a wood pallet. I use mason jars to can stuff.
I don’t share recipes.
No one wants my vegan recipes. Just ask my kids. See also, nut loaf.
It’s not a mommy blog.
I love my kids. Really I do. But, honestly, they aren’t all that interesting or unusual. They do the same things all 9 – and 13-year-old girls do. They also aren’t assholes. There seems to be a cetain type of mommy Blogger who loves to write about how their kids are assholes. Mine aren’t. They’re great kids. Boring. Not assholes. But great. I just don’t want to write about them all the time.
Other reasons … I post irregularly. I don’t do enough lists. I don’t post videos. I don’t know how to use Instagram. I haven’t had an internet troll. I reference outdated things like chatrooms and Backstreet Boys.
So what am I to do? How do I “grow my blog” when I’m not sure I have one. Is there any space out there left for a 40-year-old woman who wants to write about her past obsessions with boys bands, Patrick Swayze and Days of Our Lives?
It’s time to ask myself some tough questions.
“Am I original?”
“Am I the only one?”
“Am I sexual?”
“Am I everthing you need?”
Time will tell, I guess. But while I ponder these questions, I will leave you with these wise words…
“Everybody…rock your body…rock your body right.”